Posted by on Sep 14, 2010 in Love, Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Oh sex you are always on my mind, always in my head, there as some ultimate goal, untouchable and yet so desirable! I can say at some points in my life this is how I felt about it. I have grown up in a strong religious community where sex was something done  only within marriage, thus if one was single one can only dream of how good it will one day be! It always intrigued me how much my community and other religions viewed sex. If abused it was a sin and not just any sin, a most grievous sin, right below murder! Now that really surprised me and something I struggled with to  understand. First of all it seems so natural. Everyone on the planet has a sexual urge (and most people are giving into it), that is the way we were made so that we would continue to procreate and populate the planet! So how could something that was innate within  us be so bad? Within my specific religion, it isn’t so much that sex is bad, but just if it is done outside the bond of marriage was it considered bad. So what is the difference I began to wonder.

As many of you know I have recently graduated from the University of Santa Monica in spiritual psychology. The last week of school I finally mustered up the courage to ask my professors what their view on the matter was regarding sex and if there was some connection to spiritual progression. Here is what they shared, “Sex done outside of love is only as good as mutual masturbation, and sex within a strong deep loving relationship can be the union of two souls”. The difference is two totally different experiences. One would only feel pleasurable and be fleeting, and the other would be an intense sharing of love and how two separate souls become one. The key ingredient is LOVE. But both partners must be in the loving, it must be a selfless act from each person. My professors were not saying there was a connection between spiritual progression and sex. But religions strongly think there is. So here I was trying to consider both points of view and then by the grace of God, or chance (however you choose to view things) I had my own personal experience regarding the matter to help me understand the importance of sex.

I had been in a relationship with someone I loved, yet I wanted to wait for marriage. Just days after I had been contemplating what I had been taught at school and comparing it with what I had been taught since I was a child, I found out the man I loved had been unfaithful. The shock of this realization was like a punch to the stomach. I couldn’t understand how someone who said they loved me could at the same time go and have sex with someone else. I know men and women are wired differently and view sex in different ways, but that is no excuse we are all still in control of our appetites and passions. Regardless of invitations or desires or passions one still has control over their actions and needs to act in a responsible manner! What I learned from all this pain is how important sex is!

It is more than “mutual masterbation” if done outside of love, it can be devastating! If what I experienced is the by-product of (someone elses) sexual activity then I understand the huge importance of it. Because if done outside of love can cause immense pain to others. We have all heard of stories of broken families or destroyed marriages because someone was unfaithful. So  I return back to my question of why would religions view it as such a grievous sin next to murder? Because if done irresponsibly can cause such crazy pain, the only pain I can imagine that would be worse is loosing a loved one.  If you are thinking, “Yeah but sex and being unfaithful are two totally differnt things.” Here is the link…if one can learn to control one’s urges, and not engage in sexual activity before marriage then one knows they have the control to continue to do so after getting married! That is why it is so important. How many marriages end in divorce these days? To make a marriage last both must really work and be selfless within the relationship. Attraction to others doesn’t all of a sudden end when we get married and one must know how to be responsible with their attraction and their sexual desires in order to remain faithful within the marriage. Imagine the pain a child endures when the family is broken up over one or both parents infidelity. Why would we be so selfish and hurt our loved ones? No one really thinks that far ahead in the heat of the moment, but the truth is sex has huge consequences. It was meant for the union of two souls, to bring new life into this world, not just to be pleasured. I for one had my question answered of why it is so important to wait for marriage and I am so grateful for this understanding, for I never have to worry about an unexpected pregnancy, acquiring an STD or HIV, or all the emotional baggage that comes from irresponsible sex. I extend an invitation to all who read this to consider on my words and think about your own life and the sexual experiences you have had and the consequences that brought into your life. Consider raising your standards and showing the universe you deserve to be with someone of a like mind that will respect and love you even in the midst of any other invitation that life may bring.


  1. Tiffany McEwen
    September 15, 2010

    That was AMAZING Davia!!!!

  2. Lydia
    September 15, 2010

    amen honey.
    I would ad that religions based on Christianity focus ( or should focus) on being like Christ who is THEE example of selfless love.

    sexual acts ( not limited to sex) are unfortunately often times entirely self serving. Even at the expense of anothers well being.

  3. Audrey Crisp
    September 15, 2010

    I completely agree! WEll said. People need to be more careful and not think it’s okay to just have sex whenever they want with whomever they want. I hope this post inspires someone to wait for marriage…

  4. Crumb
    September 15, 2010

    D-Face, my love!!! I absolutely love how you wrote about this. I have been studying the words of Elder Holland and his famous talk, “Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments,” and your blog included a lot of things that he spoke about. When I think about waiting for marriage, and my otter lover, I want nothing more than to be united with his soul, in one of the most sacred and sanctified acts of love. Thank you for your words of wisdom. You couldn’t have written a more heart-felt blog….I love you

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