Pushin

Posted by on May 5, 2010 in The problem, The Purpose of Life | One Comment

I need to give myself some acknowledgment here.  I have been pushin the limit on my little life. For the last year I can’t really remember the last time I felt comfortable. Especially the last month. Everything I am involved with makes me feel uncomfortable because I am trying out new things,  and since they are new, I obviously am not good at them…yet. I don’t particularly like the feeling of discomfort but for some reason I feel drawn to try things I have never done before… just to experience them.

Along with being in grad school and getting all my papers and assignments done, I have had five jobs within the last year. I have not stayed at one longer than three months. Just as I start to get the hang of what I am doing and feel comfortable in it I soon  feel bored and want to either try something new or make more money, so I move on. I think I forget how crappy it is to get over the learning curve or maybe I’m just a learning curve junkie. I look at that curve like its the free-fall of a roller coaster I’m terrified of and I get some sick adrenaline rush from taking the ride. I don’t know but I just keep finding myself in the unknown zone of training and “faking it until I make it” arena.

I am also taking the improv classes and as I drive there every Tuesday I ask myself, “What the heck am I doing?” I am taking myself right into something I know I am not good at and that I will feel frustrated and dumb doing. Yet there I find myself week after week. Maybe I’m just a gluten for feeling like a novice. To add too it all, my sweet little cherry on top is I just got into a relationship. This is something I have managed to avoid completely up to this point in my life because I have been scared to commit. Yet I am totally jumping in this one with both feet pushing past all the feelings of fear I may have!  Not to forget, I am choosing to live in a state where everything is uber expensive, I don’t know where I am going, and I don’t have the convenience of my family near by. Its like everything I am doing in my life is a challenge and not one thing feels normal and easy. Yet these are the choices I am making.

So with all that said I want to take this small moment and say way to go Davia! You are a courageous woman to attempt to go where you have yet to wander. Although it is uncomfortable I am doing all these things to enrich my life. To try things I have never done, to expand my knowledge, to learn more about cultures other than my own, to further discover who I am in return and what makes me happy. Because living in ease was just too easy. I want to learn and continue to grow and the only way I can see that happening is by doing things I have never done, even if it is uncomfortable. After each new thing I try I feel a bit more confident in who I am and what I can offer to the next person I meet, and I like that feeling. So onward I go in my pushing the limits. Lets see what the next few months will bring!

1 Comment

  1. Natalie Gianelli
    May 6, 2010

    I love every little bit of this!! But I especially love the part where you congratulate yourself. Cuz DAMN RIGHT “way to go Davia!!” Absolutely!!
    You have inspired me to write a love letter to myself. And it’s already making me cry just a little bit.
    You are doing beautiful things in your life pretty girl! And your best is yet to come!!
    Love you!

Leave a Reply

Get Adobe Flash player