Are you too afraid to ask?

The other night I went out to sushi with a friend…a male friend. He is a good looking guy, with a good job, funny, smart, educated. But he is still single, which isn’t a problem unless you don’t want to be. He asked how he should go about asking a girl out that he was interested in. I told him just to do it, just go ask her out! And he looked at me like that was the last thing he could just go do! He said it’s not that simple. He was scared.  He couldn’t just approach a girl and ask her out or tell her he was interested. He said he needed to go about it in a non threatening way so she doesn’t get freaked out by him. Which I think is a little funny. Because really what he is scared of isn’t freaking her out, he is scared she will say “no”.

Why is it so scary to hear “no”?

Most of us are afraid of this simple word. We make it have so much meaning. In fact we are so scared of it that we won’t even ask for what we want, we will stay in the wanting never knowing if we can have it. We will stay not satisfied with what we have stuck in our fear to do anything different! What a poop way to live life!

I will tell you why we are so afraid. We make the answer “no” mean something personal. When we make requests we often put our self-image, and self worth on the line along with whatever it is we are asking for.  Whether it be a date, or a sale, a job, marriage ect. what we are really asking for is much more. What we are really asking is something like this, “Would you please do as I am requesting and APPROVE of me. Will you affirm my worth as a human being, and that I am worthy of your acceptance and love?!”

When we take the answer “no” so personal it is because we are seeking for approval outside of ourselves which is always the wrong place to find it! Acceptance, self worth, approval affirmation of you as a being, all comes from within, from inside yourself!

Happiness, wellbeing, wisdom all come from the innermost part of who you are they are not the fruit of something you do or achieve in your life, it just comes from within yourself. It is the essence of who you naturally are.

The truth is you can ask anyone for anything when you make it okay for them to say “no”. It is not longer scary when we don’t make it mean so much. If you think about it the answer “no” is a huge help. It helps me see that is not what is meant to be with me in my life and I look towards a new direction. It helps us narrow in on what really is meant to be for us.

So fellas go out there and find Hot Heather, Smart Sassy Sarah, or Delectable Davia! Whoever she is that floats your boat go ask her out! If she say “yes” then great you got yourself a date, and if she says “no” then you know she is not the girl for you and you can move on with your head held high that Mrs. Awesome Perfect Girl for you is right around the corner!

“No” is just a little two letter word, stop giving it so much more false meaning! It is never about you, even if the other person thinks it is. When we meet our own need of approval we will never have to fear rejection again! So get your booty out there and ask for what you want!!!

1 Comment

  1. soozy-doozy
    October 23, 2010

    We took a course called “Goodlife” where the instructor would occasionally and without warning, choose a person to bash/criticize like no other, name-calling. and saying sarcastically, “Well, aren’t we SPECIAL?” all in front of the whole group. It was humiliating and embarrasing, but he followed it with the challenge that when stripped of our usual comfort zone, we are forced to find our own center of value beyond the world’s praises or curses. I have a friend who will change her clothes 5 times if her husband doesn’t compliment her when they go out! It’s good to live apart from our successes or failures and know our intrinsic worth

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