“Free your mind, and the rest will follow…”

Posted by on Nov 12, 2010 in The problem, The Purpose of Life, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Have you noticed the subtitle of my blog next to Quarter Life Process…AN EXPLORATION OF LIFE. I want to talk about exploring for a bit. I’m sure most of my readers know I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints or more commonly known as the Mormons. I get all sorts of interesting responses from people when they first find out I am a Mormon. Some of them are quite ignorant, maybe you have heard some of the common mis-beliefs such as, “I will have to share my future husband with five other women, I hate black people and homosexuals”, or the most random “I can’t drink Coca-Cola”. Sorry to break it to ya, but if you are also one of these people who was so tragically misinformed, the truth is no practicing Mormon is a polygamist, there are thousands of black members of the church, we love gay people…in fact we love all people, and nowhere in our doctrine does it say we can’t drink Coke!

One of the downfalls of our little world we live in is too many people are misinformed! We think because we saw something on TV or maybe because we heard it from someone else that something must then be true. I guarantee you if you have ever stepped into a Mormon church or attended one of the services you would quickly learn that many of the misconceptions you may have are not true.

On the flip side to all my dear Mormon friends, guess what… you too could also be misinformed about what else is out “there”. Meaning not everything you have been told about things in the world are true either. There are misconceptions and misinterpretations all over the place.

What I want from everyone who reads this blog is to walk away a little more open minded!  Maybe we should actually experience it or learn about it from the source before we go making judgments about what truth we think we may know!

Now you make get scared when I tell you this but guess what Mormon friends? I have studied for the two years spiritual psychology from people who were not Mormon at all! How could that be? Could other people outside of our faith have insight into spirituality? I guess you will just have to go out there and find out! I have also visited other churches and studied other philosophies. I believe in astrology and am amazed to learn more about how the stars can help us achieve our purpose here on earth, and I have even seen a psychic or two! Haha now I’m sure that confession has you on your knees praying for my salvation!

All joking aside I hope my point is clear. It is a disappointment when I meet people on both sides that seem to lack the knowledge and then judge something falsely. In my life I have tried to keep an open mind and understand what is out there. I do not judge something “of the devil” before I have actually learned of it. I may find as I learn of it for myself that it really doesn’t hold much truth or validity, or I may find it strengthened my testimony and deepened relationship with my Heavenly Father. As long as your morality stays intact and you do not feel uncomfortable to try something new then get out there! What harm can come from learning and opening your horizons? In the very least you will walk away with more compassion and empathy in your heart, understanding another group of people or way of being that was different than your own. If everyone had this mindset we would all have much greater knowledge, much less fear, a few less wars and a lot more friends! LEARN MY FRIENDS, OPEN YOUR MINDS AND LEARN!

Naive: a blessing?

The dictionary defines naïve : · showing unaffected simplicity and lack of guile or worldly experience

  • primitive: of or created by one without formal training; simple
  • inexperienced
  • uninstructed: lacking information or instruction
  • deficient in relevant experience

I recently got feedback on my blog by a big time TV producer who I asked to read it and check it out. This is what he said, “I thought it was well written, heartfelt and engaging.  I also thought oftentimes it was naïve…”

Now why would I share with you this feedback? Simply because my naïve self has a feeling some of you may share in the same opinion about the content of my writing as being “naïve”. I would think most people would take offense on receiving feedback that their work and way of interpreting the world is naïve; however, that is not how I took it.

I agreed and smiled to myself.

What if that is my exact purpose, my whole intention and goal? What if that is the purpose of this blog…to get people to be more naïve?

What if I told you at the age of 11 or 12 I began to take life very seriously. I began to see things in a different light than I previously had as a young child.  Maybe I was sexually abused or maybe I was just concerned about being accepted by my peers, making sure I was cool and in with it all. Maybe I was exposed to drugs and alcohol, maybe I was already getting involved with boys and I hadn’t even hit puberty yet! Or maybe I listened to all the talk about the importance of getting good grades, maybe I excelled in school maintaining a 4.0 GPA while taking honors and AP classes to ensure I could get into the best colleges so I could get a good job. Maybe I dedicated my life to sports and excelled on my all my teams, was the team captain and the clutch game winner! Maybe I earned myself a scholarship or two scholarships, academic and athletic! Maybe I tore my ACL and my whole athletic career was over in an instance!…

…Maybe I was sexually active in a small Christian community and no one ever knew, maybe I got pregnant and/or acquired an STD or two. Maybe a young man broke my heart and maybe it happened again a few years later! Maybe I decided I wasn’t worthy of love and gave up. Maybe I was homeless for a while or had to go live with a foster family because my parents couldn’t afford to take care of me, maybe it was because I was addicted to drugs. Or perhaps I was an exchange student and got to go live in a foreign country for a year. Maybe I had to work my way through college because I had no support from my family. It is possible that I partied my whole way through my college experience and it was a druken haze yet I graduated with a 3.5 GPA anyway because I am just that smart! Hahaha then maybe I turned my whole life around and served a mission for my church, bringing souls to Christ along with my own!

Now maybe all of the above is from my own life, or maybe parts I took from others that I personally knew and heard their stories and the hardships involved. One thing is certain. No matter your biological age, life is happening to all of us; it is inevitable we will pass through this mortal experience without the pains and joys of this rollercoaster ride. MAYBE AFTER SEEING ALL THE PAIN, PRESSURE, INJUSTICE, AND FEAR IN THE WORLD I DECIDED TO DEDICATE MY LIFE TO HELPING OTHERS FIND HOPE AGAIN!

My producer friend then went on to say, “….oftentimes it was naïve but that could be my jaded perspective on the world.  My goal in our friendship is not let any of that attitude rub off on you.  You are a “flower child” with this innocence about you that I would hate to see spoiled.”

The truth my friends is I am not as innocent as I would like to be and unsure I could consider myself a “flower child”. I know I am relatively young and still lack many life’s experience yet I have to admit life has already played a number on me… but I am choosing to be more naïve in my life! I am challenging every paradigm of “what is” and what has to be! I refuse to give in to the traditional mindset of my grandparent’s generation, my parent’s generation and my own generation! I believe what I choose to believe, call it naïve call it whatever you want. But if it gives me faith and hope that I can mold my life exactly how I want and I can in turn inspire at least one other person then it is worth it!

To be called naïve is a compliment to me. I rather be naïve and living, than jaded and dead any day! It is easy to let the weight of the world pull you down. To the contrary to work against it strengthening your “naive muscles” is where we grow and progress! At the end of my life I will approach my God with joy and gratitude that I did every last thing that I wanted to on this earth and I wasn’t afraid to live fully! That I was courageous enough to be my own person, to think original thought! To be who I wanted to be totally free in my own skin, totally owning my quirks that only I do perfectly! KNOWING I FULFILLED MY PURPOSE THAT ONLY I COULD FULILL. If this is my one shot then I am making the most of it and to do so requires what I like to call faith, and what others might like to call naïve.

Are you stuck inside a pressure cooker?

Lets get real here for a minute. I was recently at a friend’s house with her and overheard a conversation she was having with her parents. She is going to graduate soon, and was planning on going to do a masters afterward since that is what is necessary to do the type of work she wants. But she was expressing that she felt a little burnt out and maybe needed a year off to just work before she starts her masters. Which is totally understandable.

Here is where the convo got a bit juicy. Her parents have told her they would help her pay off her student loans once she graduated, she understood with her undergrad. Her parents say no the agreement was when you finish your masters we will pay off the loans. Thus she felt forced to have to continue with her masters. Common sense would tell you fine just go do the masters. But when you have already been in school for the last five years and finally see the light at the end of the tunnel with graduation it is a little discouraging to then realize you may have one or two more years before you are done!

The problem I see here is feeling pressured to do anything. Sure pressure may be one form of motivation but I do not believe it to be the best form of motivation nor the healthiest way to live life. I have talked to too many people who have started one thing such as law school, or med school or some other higher education program to realize part of the way into it that is not what they really want to do. The problem with this is now you have $40k of debt in student loans to try and pay off, and no degree. This is the a tough situation because now you are only qualified to get the same type of job you could have before starting grad school but are now attempting to pay off student loans for the rest of your life!

So the point of my little example is this. DO NOT DO ANYTHING IN LIFE BECAUSE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO! You need to feel the motivation from the inside, do it because YOU WANT TO! It may seem like obvious insight but I still continue to find myself caught up in mentality of SHOULD BE’s… “I should be doing this, I should be more like that, I should have a better job, I should use my degree, I should get a p.h.d.”, ect. The truth is all we really need to do is follow our heart, listen to yourself and do things for the right reasons, because you want to do it. It will save you a lot of time, money, and regret further on down the road.

Are you too afraid to ask?

The other night I went out to sushi with a friend…a male friend. He is a good looking guy, with a good job, funny, smart, educated. But he is still single, which isn’t a problem unless you don’t want to be. He asked how he should go about asking a girl out that he was interested in. I told him just to do it, just go ask her out! And he looked at me like that was the last thing he could just go do! He said it’s not that simple. He was scared.  He couldn’t just approach a girl and ask her out or tell her he was interested. He said he needed to go about it in a non threatening way so she doesn’t get freaked out by him. Which I think is a little funny. Because really what he is scared of isn’t freaking her out, he is scared she will say “no”.

Why is it so scary to hear “no”?

Most of us are afraid of this simple word. We make it have so much meaning. In fact we are so scared of it that we won’t even ask for what we want, we will stay in the wanting never knowing if we can have it. We will stay not satisfied with what we have stuck in our fear to do anything different! What a poop way to live life!

I will tell you why we are so afraid. We make the answer “no” mean something personal. When we make requests we often put our self-image, and self worth on the line along with whatever it is we are asking for.  Whether it be a date, or a sale, a job, marriage ect. what we are really asking for is much more. What we are really asking is something like this, “Would you please do as I am requesting and APPROVE of me. Will you affirm my worth as a human being, and that I am worthy of your acceptance and love?!”

When we take the answer “no” so personal it is because we are seeking for approval outside of ourselves which is always the wrong place to find it! Acceptance, self worth, approval affirmation of you as a being, all comes from within, from inside yourself!

Happiness, wellbeing, wisdom all come from the innermost part of who you are they are not the fruit of something you do or achieve in your life, it just comes from within yourself. It is the essence of who you naturally are.

The truth is you can ask anyone for anything when you make it okay for them to say “no”. It is not longer scary when we don’t make it mean so much. If you think about it the answer “no” is a huge help. It helps me see that is not what is meant to be with me in my life and I look towards a new direction. It helps us narrow in on what really is meant to be for us.

So fellas go out there and find Hot Heather, Smart Sassy Sarah, or Delectable Davia! Whoever she is that floats your boat go ask her out! If she say “yes” then great you got yourself a date, and if she says “no” then you know she is not the girl for you and you can move on with your head held high that Mrs. Awesome Perfect Girl for you is right around the corner!

“No” is just a little two letter word, stop giving it so much more false meaning! It is never about you, even if the other person thinks it is. When we meet our own need of approval we will never have to fear rejection again! So get your booty out there and ask for what you want!!!

Chew on this…

Posted by on Jul 17, 2010 in The problem, Uncategorized | No Comments

Not every cut of meat is a choice one. In fact even the finest cuts still have some fat or gristle that needs to be cut off or eaten around. So do as you wish with what I am about to share with you… not all wisdom is created equal!

At work a few days ago I was talking with a couple guests as they laid on their lounge chairs enjoying the summer sun. Obviously due to the location of my job (Beverly Hills Hotel) the guest are all financially well off (to put it humbly). So here I was engaging in convo, with this couple from the East Coast. They asked me what I was doing out in LA, and as I told them more about my life they began to give me more and more advice (which I wasn’t asking for but sat and listened too anyway).

They were in their fifties and had kids around my age. I could tell the bulk of what they were telling me was due to their own frustrations with their kids, I’m sure since they were staying at the hotel their kids have been raised with all their needs (and then some) met and growing into young adults with a bit of a sense of entitlement.

I was trying to hear what the wife was saying about her daughter but it was difficult due to her husband yelling on the phone next to her. He was going off to some business partner on how something needed to be done. Not sure exactly what it was all about but all I could tell was he was upset and didn’t care to hear what the other end had to say, he told him how things needed to be done in a condescending manner and then hung up. Back to me he turned and said, “Listen, what was your name again?” Davia, I replied. “Davia listen to me, there is going to come a time in your life when you are going to be hungry for meat. You are going to want a nice juicy steak because you are just sick of eating Mac N’ Cheese like you have been doing. You are going to want that steak and be willing to do whatever you have to in order to get it… even if that means sacrificing your values and principles to get it. You understand me?” Yes of course I understood what he was saying as if his analogy was difficult to comprehend, I simply wasn’t sure if I agreed with him.

He told me I would get tired of doing what I was doing with my life, that I would be tried of starving and I would hunger for something more elegant. But the flaw with his theory is that I would sacrifice my values and morals to get it. Sadly enough I could tell by the way he handled his call he probably has had to sacrifice a lot of his values for his lifestyle. The thing is I am just not sure that sacrifice is worth it (for me). He didn’t seem too happy, seemed pretty uptight, frustrated with his children, mad with his business deals, so why in the world would I listen to him? Then in order to get what he has apparently I need to sacrifice what I believe in to make it happen? Thanks but no thanks! Needless to say I walked away only inspired in one way. To point out a flaw in our society…Steak isn’t the only thing we should salivate after! Just because someone says it’s the best cut or the finest taste doesn’t mean it’s what is going to bring about the most satisfaction! There are a lot of other choices out there, chicken, fish, tofu to name a few, or maybe a nice crisp salad! The point is this find a “healthy” choice, one that brings satisfaction to the taste buds and doesn’t leave you constipated with the regrets of sacrificed values!

Work for the love, or the love of money?

Posted by on Jun 6, 2010 in The problem, Welcome to the Process | No Comments

As I have attempted to find my career path, I have encountered a number of obstacles. Part of the difficulty is that most the jobs that pay well in our society are jobs I find boring and or take a long time to get trained at. I am not interested in being an accountant, or lawyer even though both those jobs would earn a good living, I would be bored out of my mind to do it! When I come across jobs that I do find interesting I see there is not much opportunity to make a living off of it. I talked to my friend Richelle to highlight two jobs where this is the case.

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The Pursuit of Happiness (or at least life experiences)

Posted by on Jun 1, 2010 in The problem | One Comment

Man I am so tired of being poor! It just feels like it is one thing after another! Living in LA is not an easy thing. Everything costs money…rent, groceries, gas, phone bill, insurance, sushi, frozen yogurt runs,  parking,  all the bums asking for money, tacos and bean and cheese burritos cuz my groceries went bad before I could use them, tuition, redbox, pizza by the slice, utilities, bottled water (LA water is gross), freaking everything costs money! MONEY! MONEY! MONEY! Money, I just don’t seem to have enough of either! Last month I made a whopping  $846 bucks! What on earth, that kind of money doesn’t even cover my monthly$900 tuition payment!  So what’s a girl to do?

Last week I went to a friend’s house for dinner, she is in her mid thirties now, but told me she bought her house when she was 24! After I left I thought crap I am 26 and haven’t even thought about that yet! Just out of curiosity, today I checked out the local real estate to see if I could maybe start putting some roots down… you know so I can start to be serious in life! Quickly after looking at what my monthly mortgage payment would be and what I currently am making I realized that is not a realistic possibility.

Now I have two choices at this point. I can feel sorry for myself that I don’t have “enough” money. Or I can look at all I do have. I realize that the last two years of my life I have supported myself through grad school, which is huge investment #1. Huge investment #2 would probably be my desire to explore life and live in an expensive city away from the ease of my home town where rent and cost of living is dirt cheap comparatively. Investment #3 would be every chance I get I travel, blowing a good chunk of anything I had just saved up. So in reality I can’t complain. I am doing exactly what I want to do with my money. Yeah I may not have enough, but I’m sure even when I do make more Ill still think the same thing. I’ll still think I need more for this or that. The learning I am taking away from this is; I can’t compare and complain that I don’t have what other people my age may have. The interesting part about being in your twenties is we are all over the board in life. Some of us value having a house, some want to travel, some want to work their way up in corporate America and then some of us want get married and pop out babies. Me, well I’m happy exploring all I can with as little responsibility and commitment as possible (I mean I have been sleeping on the floor for the past six months because I havn’t wanted to get a bed in case I move sometime soon). The truth of the matter is I have no idea what I want in a few months from now or where I will be! So until I have a little more clarity, onward I go in my journey just enjoying the ride having faith that when the time is right all the other things will come with ease!

I’m talking about RIGHT NOW!

As I was falling asleep the other night I was remembering when I was a kid and how I loved Peter Pan so much. My cousins and I would get up on top the pool table and jump off believing if we just had enough faith we could fly. I loved the idea of Peter Pan, I thought I was going to stay young forever!  As I remembered being a child I started to feel a sad sense of nostalgia. I was sad at the realization that I can never go back. The past is over and it is just a memory now, all the relationships evolve and go in their own directions, dreams and interests morph, and opportunities are gone. For example, I will never be as close to my best friends who are now married, I no longer care about climbing trees and building forts in my back yard,  and I will never play soccer at the level I played it high school and college. It makes me sad when I think about how I can never go back and relive those moments.

On the other end I catch myself often thinking of the future and what amazing crazy things may lurk around the corner. I wonder how long I will stay in LA, or what I will be doing in a year from now, or five years from now, I wonder if I will ever find what I am looking for in a career and this creates a sense of anxiety. I feel unsure and anxious about the future. The funny thing about time is there is nothing I can do about the past or the future and as I think about them I often get upset. Yet I rarely am thinking about the present! The irony of it all is the present is the only moment I have any control over, yet I am not focused on it at all!

Living in the present moment is a difficult thing to do, yet I have a feeling it is the secret to creating what I want! I cannot change what happened yesterday, or know what will come tomorrow, but at this moment I have a choice. I have the choice to choose what I want right now, right now at this very second. To keep myself in the present is a challenging process but one I encourage to everyone. It actually makes life so much easier too. Knowing my interests change with time, I feel hesitation to jump into anything, but if I just think about what I want at this moment it is so easy. All I have to do is answer that one question. What do I want to do now? What can I do at this moment to get me what I want? What action can I take that will lead me one step closer to what I want? WHAT IS IT FOR RIGHT NOW? Live for right now! Be present in your life. Enjoy where you are at this very moment. This is my new intention, to really live in the present moment. This is the only moment I am really ever living in and I have wasted too much of my life not really being here! It’s time to live for right now!


Posted by on May 5, 2010 in The problem, The Purpose of Life | One Comment

I need to give myself some acknowledgment here.  I have been pushin the limit on my little life. For the last year I can’t really remember the last time I felt comfortable. Especially the last month. Everything I am involved with makes me feel uncomfortable because I am trying out new things,  and since they are new, I obviously am not good at them…yet. I don’t particularly like the feeling of discomfort but for some reason I feel drawn to try things I have never done before… just to experience them.

Along with being in grad school and getting all my papers and assignments done, I have had five jobs within the last year. I have not stayed at one longer than three months. Just as I start to get the hang of what I am doing and feel comfortable in it I soon  feel bored and want to either try something new or make more money, so I move on. I think I forget how crappy it is to get over the learning curve or maybe I’m just a learning curve junkie. I look at that curve like its the free-fall of a roller coaster I’m terrified of and I get some sick adrenaline rush from taking the ride. I don’t know but I just keep finding myself in the unknown zone of training and “faking it until I make it” arena.

I am also taking the improv classes and as I drive there every Tuesday I ask myself, “What the heck am I doing?” I am taking myself right into something I know I am not good at and that I will feel frustrated and dumb doing. Yet there I find myself week after week. Maybe I’m just a gluten for feeling like a novice. To add too it all, my sweet little cherry on top is I just got into a relationship. This is something I have managed to avoid completely up to this point in my life because I have been scared to commit. Yet I am totally jumping in this one with both feet pushing past all the feelings of fear I may have!  Not to forget, I am choosing to live in a state where everything is uber expensive, I don’t know where I am going, and I don’t have the convenience of my family near by. Its like everything I am doing in my life is a challenge and not one thing feels normal and easy. Yet these are the choices I am making.

So with all that said I want to take this small moment and say way to go Davia! You are a courageous woman to attempt to go where you have yet to wander. Although it is uncomfortable I am doing all these things to enrich my life. To try things I have never done, to expand my knowledge, to learn more about cultures other than my own, to further discover who I am in return and what makes me happy. Because living in ease was just too easy. I want to learn and continue to grow and the only way I can see that happening is by doing things I have never done, even if it is uncomfortable. After each new thing I try I feel a bit more confident in who I am and what I can offer to the next person I meet, and I like that feeling. So onward I go in my pushing the limits. Lets see what the next few months will bring!

A Most Fabulous Life

Posted by on Apr 24, 2010 in The problem, The Purpose of Life | 6 Comments

If we only live once, why the heck would I not make the most of it! I have become more inspired to have the courage to go for my dreams. Watch this little video to see how it came about.

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