This last week has been a downer for sure! I think I cried at least once each day (except Tuesday for some reason). For any of you who know me, you know I am not a crier! But this break up has made me an emotional mess, in fact I can’t ever remember a time in my life when I cried this much…EVER! As odd as it sounds it feels like I am mourning a death. We are doing this break up cold-turkey I guess, and as the realization comes (and it comes over and over again as everything seems to remind me of him) that things are different and we will never be as we were, it tears me up. As much as I don’t enjoy all the pain of these emotions I will admit I am grateful for it. Suddenly I feel so much more connected to the rest of humanity. When I posted my last post about the break up ( which has now been deleted) I had many people reach out to me and write me about their own experiences, (which I thank you for) I was amazed to know how many people have felt what I am feeling and that I am not alone. I came up with a list of some of the advice I received on how to deal with breaking up and a few of them were ideas from yours truly. So here you are…
The DO’s and DON’Ts of Breaking Up.
Don’t be alone- you will just cry when you are by yourself.
Do rely on your friends and family, open up talk about what is going on it helps to get it off your chest and you feel loved and supported by them.
Don’t listen to love songs, make sure to change the radio every time a love song comes on, suddenly these lyrics have the deepest meaning, and will make you cry.
Do go dancing, you won’t want to at all, but it will help for a bit take your mind off the pain and the movement will be good for you.
Don’t remember all the cute little things you did with them, or dwell on how great they were.
Do remember all the red flags you saw while you were in the relationship and remember how you felt frustrated within the relationship, this will help you accept not being in it better.
Don’t go and try to hook up with someone to help you forget them, this won’t work, you will just be more sad it isn’t who you really want to be with and will feel unsatisfied afterwards.
Do give yourself some time, be really tender with yourself, and allow yourself the time to reflect on what you want and how you are going to move forward in order to get it.
Don’t think crazy irrational thoughts… “I will never find love again, I will never be happy again, I will never find someone better than them” ect., Every thought that starts along the lines, of “I will never…” throw it out the window! That is just simply not true and will make you feel like poo!
Do think on the bright side, all the opportunities that just came about because of the break up. Now I will have more free time, now I can eat onions, now I can get more sleep ect.
Don’t get drunk or think you can alter your mind and it will fix your problems. All my friends who did this told me it makes it worse bc when you are sober again you feel all the emotions AND you physically feel like crap. You have to deal with it, so you might as well start dealing with it!
Do write, writing for me anyway is a huge release; I am able to vomit all my emotions onto the paper and get it all out in a safe way. I write all the things I want to say to him and all the ways I am feeling then when you are done don’t read it, rip it all up and burn it. It helps a ton and afterwards you feel this peaceful high, it is good! Try it anytime you feel upset actually you don’t need to wait for a breakup!
Don’t dwell on what your life was like with them, don’t remember all the things you did together, or think if we were still together we would be here right now, or he would call me right now, or we would be doing this right now, don’t dwell on what you would be doing if you were still with them.
Do everything you can to change up what you do, eat different things, go different places, just do as much as you can differently, brush your teeth different, work out if you weren’t, change up your workout, go be with new friends, accept all invitations to go out and do things. The more routine you change up the less you will remember doing what you had done when you were in the relationship and how that routine was with them.
Don’t contact them, you are going to feel lonely and want to talk to them or see them, Don’t give in to this, it only prolongs the pains of the break up! There is nothing they can say, or do to fix it, it is over so accept it is over and began the change of your new life without this person.
Do quit cold turkey, I swear this last week has sucked so bad in so many ways, I haven’t talked to him since we had the conversation to break up but each day has been better than the last, each day I feel a little less pain, each day I am more hopeful and happy.